Ask, Seek, Knock — Opening the door
to your inner temple|
Chapter 3 — Settling in at Home
I returned home to the small harbor town of Wilson, New York in 2006. It was interesting to say the least. Not only was it a continual whirlwind of running Roger to renal dialysis and numerous doctors, but also working on getting my studio set up, in my Dad’s old workshop and “honey house.”
My Dad was a beekeeper for all of my childhood, but when he retired, the building was turned into Dad's workshop. By the time I got there, it was full of my Dad’s clutter and rodents of all sorts that had moved into it over the years. They had packed their little nut treasures in every crack and crevice. I wasn’t fond of sharing space with them either, but I was thankful for the space. We needed the income to pay my parents rent for the upstairs apartment, our mortgage in Wyoming, and Roger’s medical bills.
The entire structure was about 1,200 SF of potential usable space. I managed to clean out about one third of the space, and with the help of my cousin, Rick, an electrician, I was ready to work.
There was already a 10 foot long workbench that ran on an inside wall of a 12x14 foot room, with two small, horizontal windows on the front of the building for light. I placed my slab roller under the windows and several metal racks, on the outside wall; opposite my work bench. A small ceramic heater was plugged in to keep me warm during the cold winter months.
Bees wax adorned the once white walls and ceilings in the old, honey extracting room; now my entire work area. The kiln room was behind that space and was dark, without any windows. It was a small room, about 12x7 feet in size. Behind the kiln room was another workshop of my Dad’s that ran the entire width of the building; about 30 feet. It was dark, dirty, and cluttered.
Although the building was old, the setting itself was quite inspiring indeed. We had one of the prettiest pieces of real estate in the area. We had nearly nine glorious acres; about three fourth's of it was wooded, with two creeks and rolling land. The best part was there were no neighbors for one forth of a mile in all directions. I could sing at the top of my lungs while working in my studio; without disturbing another “living” soul.
I was working 100-120 hour work-weeks between Roger’s medical appointments, dialysis, and orders for my handmade tiles. It was difficult, or should I say impossible to relax. Fortunately, my art allowed me to slow down and get lost in day-dream time. This day-dream time is one of my favorite times to communicate with my guides. I’m “zoned-out” in the sub-conscious level of wearing my “earthly” body suit.
Even through trying times, I was most thankful for my life, and this time to find a bit of peace in the spiritual realms. I was also happy to be “home,” even if Roger wasn’t. Home is always home; no matter the dysfunction of family, which is the real reason why we incarnate into our earthly families.
I know what you’re thinking. What? Why would we want dysfunction? Believe it or not, you agreed to that dysfunctional family, prior to incarnation, and signed a contract. That’s how much those people really love you; they agreed to it, to help each other learn who they are, and how to handle things the right way; through loving acts. Some family members learn; some do not and sadly never will. Just love them anyway; unconditionally.
Loving them is often better at a distance; there is nothing wrong with this choice. If you ever find yourself thinking poorly of anyone, take advice from my Higher Christ Self; “through love and light upon them through positive thoughts.”
“The way” takes work
Really think about your choices and you’ll agree. Your path and divine purpose will speak multitudes from this statement. Lies are difficult to keep track of from person to person, so why exert that kind of effort? Just be truthful, it’s probably a karmic clearing anyway. And maybe you need to have that person walk out of your life, so you can handle it with grace and not be vindictive. Life is a lesson; learn it.
Family dysfunction is undoubtedly the best way to learn right from
wrong. You can choose to love the unlovable; unconditionally. You can
choose the hard way, instead of the easy one, and to find the “light” in
yourself, amongst the chaos of wearing your body suit. Just remember to
take pause during your dysfunction, take a breath, and step-out in utter
faith. That often means saying you’re wrong and that you are sorry.
This “ghost," "earthbound entity," or "spirit," appeared to me daily. And was he ever punctual, approximately 10:30 am and 1:00 pm daily.
I’d be rolling out some clay on my workbench, and out of the corner of my eye, through the front windows, I’d see a shadow of a tall man, standing to the right of a large Ash tree. As soon as my conscious brain would kick in, he’d vanish. “Nah, you didn’t see anything. It’s your imagination.” That’s your ego body trying to run the show. It’s a continual battle of body, emotional, mental, and etheric (spirit), and that is why it’s so important to become balanced. Your body needs to know which part of it is in control; spirit!
I knew that this man was very tall and there was something dark about his hair. He also felt like he had been around a while, but that was about all that I could get in the way of a description. It left me a bit confused, because I felt like I was making assumptions; guessing.
Most ghosts in our area of the country have been around for quite some time. Our town was first settled in the 1600's, so to me, people would be short. People were shorter many years ago due to diet and genetics. This guy was very tall. I was trying to rationalize his stature, and my own sanity, which created a block in my psychic flow.
My step daughter was working with me during this time. One day, while working next to me at the work bench she said, “Did you see that?” I said, “What?” She replied, “There is a man out by the big tree.” I explained to her that it’s my friendly ghost from my childhood and that I had no idea what he wanted from me.
This went on for a three years. Then, in November 2009, Roger’s earthly vessel could no longer support him, and he crossed over. Please don't feel bad for me, because this was all divine. Rog ended up being what I call my “guard guide.” Most of you have them. This guide watches you 24/7 to make sure your energy field doesn’t get compromised.
After Roger crossed over, I wanted to move to Tennessee. A month went by and my Mom started falling down. It was determined that she had spinal stenosis and paralysis was rapidly setting in. There was no way I was going to leave my Mom and move away to Tennessee, Dad just wasn’t mentally, emotionally, or physically capable of the task, and my brother was often scary and dysfunctional.
My earthbound Shadow Man started becoming more active in my life as well. Every night about 10:15 pm, I’d hear the wood floor, outside my bedroom door, creak. At first, I thought it was my Dad downstairs raiding the refrigerator. He could never pass by the kitchen without stopping and looking in it for some treasure. But when I approached my Dad, he said he was sleeping at that time each night.
If life wasn’t already a bit crazy, I started having some very dark, dream-like events happening during the night. I would be sleeping and would feel myself getting pulled out of my body. I was going to a very dark place with beings that had some terrible addictions. I was being raped spiritually; pawed at and being sexually abused. These beings in this place were masters of dysfunction; both physically and mentally.
This was happening once a week or more. Sometimes, I would enter this dark place in my own home. Not all beings would rape me, some just wanted to hold and kiss me. They seemed very lonely and later I found out how alone they truly were in this place.
On one occasion there was young man in my room in my dressing area. There is a long mirror there on the door. I looked into it and saw my spirit-self. I looked younger and very much the same physical features; but my hair was flipped back in a style commonly worn in the 1970's; like when I was in high school. I asked the young man why my hair was that way and he replied, “I like it that way.” Then I got sucked back into my body.
One night, I found myself out of my body, standing on our property. I was just leaning against my white vinyl horse fence, looking at one of the prettiest places on our property. I felt like I my body was buzzing; vibrating.
A man is standing behind me. We were looking at the old apple tree on the other side of the horse fence, when I heard his voice. He said, "My horse’s name was Buffalo." I got so excited when I realized who it was that my brain kicked-in and I became conscious, causing me to come out of this strange dream-like place. It almost felt like a change in brain chemistry or something.
I could actually feel myself getting drawn back into my body; through my head. I sat up wondering what in the world just happened to me. Everything was so vivid and colorful in this place and I could feel his presence; feel him so strongly.
There seems to be some kind of connection that I can’t even put into
words. For some reason he feels like I was married to him once. It feels
This was a time of a spiritual awakening for me. I was starting to receive a lot of messages during the night. I was not only hearing voice, but seeing pictures and drawings. I did my best to remember them and write them down immediately upon awakening; otherwise I would rapidly forget what I heard, saw, or experienced.
I began keeping a journal of my messages and these odd out of body encounters, scribbling them down by hand in notebooks, then later consolidating them into a electronic journal. At one point, during a reading from a Medium, one of my guides yelled at me telling the Medium that I wasn’t writing in my journal enough. He also mentioned I still had doubt.
That reading from a Medium was one of my “gulp” moments, as I call it.
That guide was watching me like a hawk and knew my every thought and
feeling in my heart. It was a life-changing perspective for me, knowing
I was never alone, and couldn’t hide anything from “spirit land;”
especially this guide or guardian angel.
In October of the same year, I don’t know what came over me, but I invited “spirit” to have a party at my place before I fell asleep. This was the result.
The man was extremely thin and old. Each one of them held my hands; the woman held my left hand and the man the right. We had a long talk, but now I don't remember what we discussed.
I told the man that I'd remember and would write it down when I woke up. He said to do it now. Darn, I can’t remember any of the conversation now; he was right!
The woman on the left was a young blonde girl with a long braid; she was very nice. She told me her name and we chatted. I should have listened to the male spirit and written the conversation down right away! Dumb, dumb, dumb! I hope she visits again. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to re-connect with them that I didn't write anything down.
This appears to be a common problem with dimensional visits, whether intra- or inter-dimensional. When my own spirit gets returned to the body, I quickly forget the conversations. I still have this problem today; I believe however that these conversations somehow get recorded into our subconscious, because years later I’ll hear something, and I’ll remember every detail from a “soul-level.” Almost like a deja vu effect.
It didn’t take me too long to find my “Shadow Man” once again. It was about one month after visiting him, when I ran into him once again, while I was out of my body, wandering around our property in the woods next door.
It was right in the middle of a grassy area by my favorite tree this time, just near the horse fence’s front gate. He was facing the horse barn; I was facing the road, looking at him.
WOW! Is he ever handsome! He has a tanned complexion, beautiful dark, short hair with the most perfect, smooth, dark beard. It looks like it has about a 2-3 week growth. I remember it was straight not curly at all. It was so beautiful; he was beautiful.
He's about 25-30 years old. I'm guessing he's about 6'4 to 6'5" tall. I’m nearly six feet tall and he is much taller than me. He's a bit rugged, but oh so good looking. WOW! Did I already say that? I don’t think that I’ve ever seen such a handsome man in my entire life.
He was wearing blue jeans and a plaid shirt. It was red plaid with some small green and blue stripes through it; a woven plaid. I believe he had on some leather work boots.
He said, "Take my hand; I want to show you something." He reached out
his right hand, palm up to me, like a gentleman, so I took his hand.
When I did, his arm fell off, mid-forearm. It looked like it had torn
off; not a clean cut. Blood splashed onto his face and my face too. I
was startled and out of compassion I asked him, "What happened to you?"
He didn't get to answer; I was pulled back to consciousness; the
illusion in which we live. Darn! Stupid conscious brain!
That encounter was amazing to me. I was even more determined, now than ever, to figure out who or what he was to me. I kept thinking that I was once married to him and couldn’t get it out of my head. I have no idea why I would feel that way, but I did; it was overwhelming. It was like our two hearts were connected as one heart.
Note: I’ve come to find out that most spirit “attachments” are because the spirit and the spirit in the body have “like” things in common.
July 22, 2010
I took one of the large, red ceramic beads that I made in my right hand and held it. As I did, a force felt like it reached through me, into my back. I became lightheaded and it seemed as if the ground shook; it is very hard to describe. I knew it was him making contact.
After this encounter he started hanging out with me; daily. He'd be in the house at night, and I’d see him in the unused area of my studio during the day. At one point I asked him to not come into the studio, because it scared me when he would be in the dark section of the building. He graciously ceased making his presence known in the building. He seemed quite considerate of my feelings.
While all of this was happening in my life, something interesting started happening with vegetation. I began creating it. It wasn’t using any conventional methods, rather I’d ASK.
I was driving home from Niagara Falls one day when I spotted one of the most beautiful green plants growing in mass. It was on a hillside on the Tuscarora Indian reservation on the Niagara Escarpment.
I slammed on my brakes, put the passenger window down, and started talking to the plants. They were so beautiful and magnificent, so I told them that I thought they were spectacular. Then I said, “You should come to my house!”
About one month later, one single plant appeared just outside my front
horse gate; coming up in the gravel. I had to do a double-take, then I
talked to the little plant, “Oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming to
my house!” I identified it as a Coltsfoot. Now I have 100’s upon 100’s
of them at my NYS house.
One year I couldn’t think of what plant, shrub, or tree to ask for, so I just said to the Elementals, “Just pick something for me.” That year this beautiful little plant sprung forth in my front flowerbed. I nearly pulled it out by accident. It was gorgeous! After a bit of research, I found the name of the plant. It was the perfect plant for me; Painter’s Pallet.
About the same time that I started visiting spirits on the Astral Plane, I also once again started inter-dimensionally traveling.
He came to me with beaded necklaces of all kinds. He was tall, had short/medium blonde hair with strikingly blue eyes. He wore wire glasses, a green striped Izod-like preppy shirt and white shorts. He might have had boat shoes on that were navy?
He was very well kept, probably in his late 40's; or he was younger and looked very rugged or weathered. He had an accent that sounded like Belgium or Dutch maybe? It was definitely northern European. It wasn't German, but something like that sound. He was average looking, tan and very fit.
He was standing in front of me, showing me several necklaces. I was sitting at my round mahogany table that I once used for my dining room table in Wyoming. There were beads all over it that I didn’t recognize. He was telling me a little about each one and their origin. He was quite smart and very interesting indeed. He obviously was very educated and must be artist of some kind.
I noticed he had the name Jim on his shirt. I asked him if that was his name, and he scoffed, “No; like I’m supposed to recognize this guy. However, I knew exactly why it was there. He wanted me to know he was watching me and my friend Jim. Plus the name Jim or James is an English name; not something from the Netherlands.
I asked him if there was something I could do for him. He said, “No. I
just wanted to talk with you because I like you." I think he brought the
necklaces as a means of discussion or to keep me feeling comfortable, to
stay in that place, which I was visiting. I do love making gemstone
beaded necklaces and that table.
He was very nice. I said to him, "This was the longest time that I've spent with someone like this." He said, "You're doing very well." I felt like I was slipping away. He took my left hand, but I could feel his index finger pulling away in my palm as I opened my eyes.
I always thought that when I was having some kind of out of body experience that I was there to help the person with a need. It doesn't appear now that is the case at all. It’s sort of educational, or they just want to talk to me for some reason. I hope that I get to meet with him again. He was really nice.
At the time, I had no idea who this being was to me. Although he obviously knew me quite well and I felt extremely comfortable with him; like an old shoe. Later, I discovered exactly who he was and the role he had played in my life; which was significant to say the least.
I can’t tell all of you what a wonderful gift it is; the gift of inter-dimensional travel. It took about one year after Roger's death, but I managed to travel to my husband Roger. It was a brief visit, but a joyous one.
I want all of you that are reading my book to start keeping journals of your “dream-time.” This next entry was actually what I would call a “dream-vision.” Although it had a celebrity in it, the content of the dream turned out later to be a vision of a future event; I get these occasionally. Many of our messages are from our guides in disguise.
As I mentioned earlier, I took care of my husband Rog, Mom, and Dad at home until they “unzipped” their body suits. Although my Mom’s last few years were physically and emotionally taxing, the spiritual aspect of Mom’s passing was beautiful.
The year prior to my Mom’s departure, I had numerous messages about her upcoming crossing-over into the realms of light; via different delivery methods. The love my guides and the angels have for me is tremendous.
I want you all to know how truly blessed you are and loved by those “on the other-side.” Pay attention to these unusual dreams; they can be important messages of future events. Many will be from a family member. This is because you are comfortable with their presence; instead of a stranger.
Carter Osterhouse, was in my dreams last night. He is tall, dark, and handsome, like my Shadow Man. Or is he a spirit guide? Anyway, were walking together, back to the house from the studio, and I noticed some small to medium branches all over the driveway, like there had been a wind storm and some branches came down from the trees.
I looked back at the woods and all of the trees were moving fiercely. The trees were bending back and forth, and they were literally “screaming” with a very high shrill; they were so frightened. They wanted help, just like if a person screams. They were going to die; it was awful and I felt so bad for all of them; they felt helpless.
As time progressed on, I was still having these strange experiences; where I was out of my body. There was nothing to be found online about this place that I would travel to, and all the hand-holding and hugging going on.
As you can see, I still hadn’t figured out that writing things down IMMEDIATELY is important. You can tell yourself all day long that you’ll remember; but you won’t. I still make this same mistake; however, I do remember bits and pieces. They say “practice makes perfect,” but when you’re dimensionally hopping, writing in your journal is important.
These experiences that I was having, seemed to be a “training ground” of sorts, for learning how to inter-dimensionally travel. Each visit, I would be able to stay for longer periods of “time,” although there isn’t any time in these places.”
Not only was I learning to inter-dimensionally travel during this period of my life, but I was still having visits from my Shadow Man. This was all very confusing, because I was leaving my body and bouncing all around different places; through different energies. I felt like an out-of-control Super ball.
I was in bed in the upstairs guest room and I was VERY exhausted. I felt a presence near the closet. It was bright from the moonlight, but the moon was less than half full.
A white mist started to appear to my left of the bed, just floating around a bit. I said, "If you are a bad spirit, I don't want to talk to you." Then, it started to move towards the right by the foot of my bed. As I watched, it began to take form. I felt a bit nervous. I've never seen this happen before. I rolled over and pulled the covers up around my ears. I had the feeling it was the tall and dark Shadow Man. I told him, "I'm too tired for this now.” Then he left.
I wish that I wasn't startled and tried harder to stay in the moment to see the outcome. Someone wanted to communicate, but I was tired and a bit scared. Now I’m kicking myself for not letting him do his apparition thing.
In hindsight, this would have been a wonderful opportunity to watch an
earthbound spirit become a full apparition. My Shadow Man was an expert
at navigating the energies, in which he had become accustom to